Strangely, several different things converged in the last couple of days that center around kids/teens and why they behave the way they do. As a teacher in the 12th year of my career, I think a lot about how a child's behavior is shaped. Of course, many factors affect the development of a child, but I firmly believe the number one influence (yes, those anti-drug campaigns got it right) on children is their parents. This should be a no-brainer, especially to the "adult" who is supposed to be guiding the child. But apparently parenting is an unalienable right to any two people who can manage to accomplish that tricky feat of introducing their gametes to each other.
First, let me offer up some general observations. In my neighborhood, it is not terribly rare to see some adult (I assume a parent to the child) literally cursing out a child. I saw and heard a woman tell her son, who was about 10-12, to "shut the fuck up and get the fuck in the car." I saw a woman the other day at the 86th Street stop on the blue line telling her teen-aged (I assume) son that he was a "stupid-ass" because there seemed to be some issue with him swiping his Metro card fast enough for her liking. I regularly hear that "I'm gonna beat yo' ass" and continually hear adults raise their voices to children in the nastiest of tones. The worst was at Target sometime during the past few months. As I was leaving, I kept hearing this woman screaming someone's name, a female's name. As I left, she came blazing past me and made a beeline for a little girl who looked like she was about 2. I'm not the best with toddler ages, but she was old enough to walk yet still pretty tiny and dumpling-esque. Any way, this woman goes charging at her, angry that the little girl had wandered off, and though I could see it coming, I had a million conflicting thoughts at once about intervening but just stood helplessly as the woman grabbed the little girl with her left hand and straight-up punched the little girl in the jaw. I was aghast, angry, horrified, infuriated, and every other synonym along those lines. The sound of the punch landing literally turned my stomach and the little girl hit the deck.
I certainly grappled with my own conscience about it. I wanted to step in, but a woman who will punch her own little baby in the face would probably shank whitey for getting in her business, so I hesitated. As I went down the escalator, I passed an NYPD officer who was on her way up. When I got to the bottom, I rolled it all around in my head for about 30 seconds, then headed back up to try to find the cop. I am not sure what good it would have done, but the point was moot since I could not find the police officer. I left Atlantic Terminal bitter and disgusted with both the woman and myself. Still, it's such a fine line to cross in terms of minding one's business or keeping a child safe; since the lady did not continue to hit her, I felt I had appropriately erred on the side of caution. If she had continued, I have no doubt I would have jumped in, which leads me to my next issue....
This article was on Yahoo! this morning. I was reading it as I was texting a friend back home about another incident involving a poorly-behaved teen (more on that in a bit).
http://rivals.yahoo.com/highschool/blog/prep_rally/post/Man-arrested-for-punching-son-at-youth-basketbal?urn=highschool-wp9968
A 52-YO dad grabs his 8th-grade son after a basketball game and starts punching him in the face. Maybe he needs to meet Target Bitch. Any way, parents there did step in because he was going on and on. So what is this poor boy supposed to think? A), he's probably mortified because his father beat him in front of everyone. B), where is the safe place in this world for this boy? If your own dad beats you, where is the refuge in the world? In my mind, no matter how old we all get, we should feel 100% safe with our parents. Unfortunately, that is not the case for everyone. C), this kid will most likely develop trust issues with people if he hasn't already. It's no wonder many Americans cannot develop functional relationships throughout life. If people are raised by screaming, angry, abusive parents, it's a miracle if they turn out loving, trusting, and kind in their own right. How is an emotionally, mentally, and/or physically abused child ever supposed to understand what love is, what compassion is, what kindness is? All they will ever learn how to do is close others out and shut themselves down, posturing constantly with bravado and brashness of their own so no one can get close enough to them and hurt them. No, I'm no psychotherapist, psychiatrist, or anything of the sort, but I think common sense dictates that the way parents treat their children is an essential ingredient to the creation of a well-balanced adult.
My final issue is the aforementioned text conversation with my friend, who is a former colleague at my previous place of employment. A girl there apparently decided to revive the baby oil prank for the last day of the fall term. This prank had been done before as a Senior prank. Kids squirt baby oil all over the floors while a class is in session, or in this case, before school. Obviously, the clear nature of baby oil is undetected until someone is busting his or her ass. The first time it happened, one kid ended up slipping on the steps as he went downstairs and broke his ankle. A couple of students slipped and feel hard, which still hurts even though it's not as serious. Today, one of the teachers we love so dearly, who has already battled cancer numerous times and is such a warrior, slipped and fell causing some serious pain. Clearly, this little prank has numerous repercussions in terms of bodily injury, but what if the school needed to be evacuated quickly due to a fire or other emergency? What if someone unexpectedly required emergency medical attention onsite? Her little absence of the sense of "other" could have caused even more significant damage under the right circumstances.
One thing that parents really have to work to instill in their children is empathy. I've certainly been on the receiving end of some hot-tempered parenting, but overall, one thing I was continually drilled on was this simple question: How would you like it if someone did that to you? Don't get me wrong, in my very early developmental stages, I was like any other child who was egocentric and had not learned that sense of "other". I, unfortunately, spent a short time kicking a dog with my dastardly friend Paul when we were about 4. Thankfully, my mom was always there to help me learn the error of my ways so that I developed into an adult who really, truly works to put myself in the proverbial shoes of others (ESPECIALLY animals). Anyone who knows me well would be hard-pressed to believe that I ever kicked a dog, but I did. I could not tell you why, except that I was 4 and certainly have always been full of piss and vinegar for whatever reason. Another time, I was playing indoor soccer for the first time. I think I was about 9 or 10. I was being a little punk-ass, reacting to every mistake made in the game. Looking back on it, I am so glad my mom let me have it in the car. She told me if I ever pulled that shit again, I was done with soccer (and you don't test Sherry on this). I snapped out of that prima donna behavior and learned that everyone makes mistakes, that I, too, was no perfect player, and that being on a team means you pick each other up, a principle I still preach to my kids today.
So...... To avoid becoming terribly verbose (though I think I have already failed at that objective), my little rant is just something to get people thinking. I know there's no solution in sight because anyone and everyone pops out babies, and it seems that too many people are incredibly ill-equipped to really raise a child. (Here comes the soapbox for a hot second.) Yet, non-traditional families, whether it's gay parents, single parents who want to adopt or inseminate, the friends of a child taking him or her in, etc. are still seen as the enemy to good ol' American values. Well here's an American value that should be revived: parents who invest in their children and take ownership of them, not treat them like they are some burden that was foisted upon them by someone else. If you have a child, YOU made it somehow. Take care of it. Nurture. Love. Applaud. Scold. Teach. Lead. Share. Inquire. Remember the Golden Rule, because if there's one thing America needs more than ever, it's that. Whether it's adult to adult or adult to child, the other person is a human being. Take the Golden Rule and couple it with Gandhi, and things will surely take shape the way we dreamers hope it will.
"Be the change you wish to see in the world."
Parents, you have the toughest job in the world. There is no manual, but do your best. As a long-time educator, I implore you. We teachers can only pick up so much slack (believe me, many of us genuinely care about the people are students are going to become). America's greatest natural resource is not oil, gas, iron, or water: it's people. People make this country work, and we need the little ones to grow up to make a difference, not become insolent, angry, bitter people who are like the black cloud that follows the Pink Panther around. We have enough of those in pro sports.
Peace and love, everyone.
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