Something Scary

Before I began taking T, my doctor ordered a complete blood work-up. When I came to discuss the results with him, he told me something that seemed so surreal, I had a brief moment of checking out. According to my lab results, I had Hepatitis C, and frankly, it scared the shit out of me. I was in disbelief as he pointed to the little box on the computer screen that had a red POSITIVE in the box. I also had a positive showing for Hep B, but that was due to my Hep B shot from a while back when a school I worked at had a Hep B scare.

For about a month or so, I have carried this around with me. One concern after another slammed around in my head. Will I be a risk to my girlfriend? How the hell did I get THAT!?!? Will I be able to endure Interferon treatments? How long have I had it? The list went on and on. All I could do was hold out hope that it was a false positive, though I did not cling too tightly to it. As .38 Special said, you have to hold on loosely.

I had another blood work-up done, and last week I went in to get the results of that. My prayer had been answered: it was a false positive the first time. I instantly felt like I could float away as the weight of the world left my shoulders. My viral load was negative, and that is the key indicator. I will do another work-up in a couple of weeks just to verify, but I feel pretty confident that it is indeed negatory. I honestly have not engaged in the types of behaviors that would lead one to contract Hep C, and I spent a month judging myself and taking my own inventory, wondering where I went wrong.

One thing this experience gave me was a real appreciation for my health as a whole. I felt like I served a brief jail sentence but promptly regained my freedom. I could resume my current course, trying to recover from my surgery and preparing to return to the pursuit of a good level of fitness. I would not have to endure Interferon treatments, nor would I wonder if I was going to somehow, though the chances were slim, pass this disease on to my amazing girlfriend. It was draining to live under the dark cloud of believing I might have had the disease, but I had to take the recent results and add them to my impossibly long list of blessings. That was all there was to it in the end.

Our health is so precious, and we often take it for granted. Be good to yourself: take a walk, ride a bike, eat some fresh fruit, have a beautiful salad, get a snow cone sometimes, pet a dog, go to a beach, laugh as often as possible, break out some Crayons and just color... Our health is about more than the physical: wellness encompasses the mental, emotional, and spiritual aspects of our lives. As my dad said, "Everything in moderation." Know your limits, but indulge enough to know that you're really living. And though I was never one to go to the doctor much throughout my life (I'm making up for it in the last 3 years), take time for yourself to get thoroughly checked out. Just make sure everything really is in order. And when you find out everything is in order, go out and celebrate by getting a snow cone that you consume while drawing, with Crayons, the dog you just pet. :)