So this guy goes to get a mammogram...

One of the key phases in one's FTM transition is having reconstructive chest surgery.  For many guys, it's the single biggest event of their transitions because it's a very definitive and physical shedding of something so starkly female from their bodies.  (To clarify: clearly, taking testosterone is major as well, but it's a process and not a one-time event.)  It can often create the first sense of freedom for many trans guys, as well as the opportunity to lose the insecurity that can be felt when one part of their bodies so obviously gives them away.  For me personally, it's something akin to having tumors removed from the body.  I have said before the way I have felt my whole life is probably what it would feel like for any natural-born male to go through his life wearing a dress out in public: I am about to remove the dress for good.

An important step in having this surgery is finding the best doctor.  This is something that someone gets one chance to have done well, so choosing a doctor who is not as accomplished in this surgery has lifelong ramifications.  I researched various doctors' work via YouTube and other websites that would allow me to look at a variety of videos or photos of various doctors' work.  One doctor's name not only showed up more than the others, but the results were very consistent.  Some adverse issues a patient can face are "dog ears", which are made up of excessive skin under the armpit area, very dark scarring, generally displeasing aesthetics, and so on.  This doctor had very, very few of these issues come up as a result of his work.  I went to his website and read more about him; it is always comforting to find out that the doctor, though being a general plastic surgeon, has made it his mission to become the foremost surgeon in this area.  Because of his credentials and the pictorial evidence I saw, I chose Dr. Charles Garramone to perform the operation.  Thus, my most incredible special lady friend and I will be heading to Ft. Lauderdale in a couple of weeks to embark on this adventure.

One part of Dr. Garramone's very thorough pre-surgical requirements is to have a mammogram done to ensure there is no presence of any cancerous tissue.  I can certainly respect why he requires this to be done because though the breast tissue is going to be removed, he still needs to know if any of the cancerous cells lie beyond the areas he will remove.  The mammogram must also be done within 30 days of the surgery, so for me, this happened Monday.

Now, most trans guys do this surgery before beginning T.  I'm probably an anomaly in that regard because I wanted to go ahead and get the T going, and clearly I could not have chest surgery during the school year.  Also, I wanted to have some time to develop my physique a little, and hopefully build up the pectoral region specifically.  I am hoping to have some decent definition under there so the surgery will look better from the outset.  After reviewing a ton of pics and videos, I just wasn't a fan of the pre-pubescent flat-chested look that many guys had because they weren't terribly built to begin with and they had not started T to bolster the muscle mass.  Therefore, I took the road less traveled.

As with other fun moments in my transition, this moment led to the opportunity to be in yet another awkward situation.  There is nothing like going to the women's imaging center in a radiology place when you have not lived as a woman in public for three months or more.  Granted, this place is in Chelsea about 2 blocks from where my main doctor is (he works at a clinic that caters to LGBT folks who want more sensitively provided care - another reason to love NYC).  Still, going into a place and sitting amongst the ladies was like having my soul put in a vise.  My lovely lady accompanied me since she is the paragon of care taking, and that actually threw everyone a little bit of a curve for a hot minute.  However, you can't hide while you fill out the paperwork and when they call your name.  And nothing looks cooler than a dude in a front-opening pink gown.

As I reflected on my own discomfort these past couple of days, I also had to think about the women who were there.  They are there doing routine checks, potentially having post-treatment screenings to see if their cancer is in remission, and so on.  Their situation is already emotionally nerve-racking enough, not only because of what mammograms are for, but because they are about to have a very sensitive part of their bodies literally put in a vise.  My uncle uses the phrase "tits in a wringer" to describe when people get into jams in life (typically regarding baseball pitchers who have begun to crumble), and this situation is the literal translation of that.  The ladies reading this who have had to do it are cringing right now, and guys, well, have your lady squeeze the baby-maker between two boards and you'll get it.  But, I digress.  These poor ladies are already in a pretty anxious state, I'm sure, and then they're probably wondering why some dude is in there.  I'm sure my presence was just sooooo helpful.

Another issue my lady and I discussed was what do men who have gynecomastia do when they need to be screened?  For those who may not know the term, gynecomastia is when men develop breast tissue, often due to elevated testosterone levels.  Yes, testosterone, in too large a quantity, can convert to estrogen and then present female secondary sex characteristics, primarily breast tissue.  This condition was famously (or infamously) depicted in the movie FIGHT CLUB when Bob developed "bitch tits" due to having his testicles removed because of testicular cancer and having to do hormone therapy.  But on a serious note, we wondered where men who legitimately have this condition go.  A man with this condition also has to be screened for breast cancer.  We basically hoped medical centers that treat male-related issues offer discreet mammography services for men with this condition.  I would certainly feel for a guy if he had to go into a place that is geared toward women.  Understandably, women are the primary targets of mammography, but should a man require it, he most definitely does not want to have to add insult to injury by strolling into a women's imaging center to have his mammography done.

And so, another of my little adventures sparks a little pain, a little discomfort, a couple of laughs, and some questions about sensitive medical care as a whole for all types of people.  For everyone lucky enough to be correctly mind-body aligned, I hope you realize how lucky you are that you may never have to worry about these types of issues.  Ladies, though it's not your dream situation, you are supposed to be in an OB/GYN's office, and going for a mammography is expected of you.  Guys, I'm sure you can find a million and one more things you'd rather do than go to the urologist or proctologist, but at least you're expected to be there when those types of issues arise.  For either sex, ER care will most likely never create a stir.  But for trans people, especially during the process, all of these problems may be encountered.  Thanks to the support I have received from so many friends and loved ones, and especially my wonderful partner in crime, I just keep my head up and push through it.  Being able to have that kind of courage is not only borne of my own resolve, but of the compassion and goodwill and earnest interest so many wonderful people have shown as I have spoken about this journey.  If I help bridge the gap of misunderstanding one person at a time or allow another trans person to engage in this process with dignity, my job is done.  So again, thank you to everyone who takes time to read my posts and to participate in meaningful dialogue about this experience.  It's not about male, female, or trans, it's about HUMAN.  Hopefully our common goal is to demonstrate that human equality is earned merely by being born and belonging to the human race.  Peace, friends.